I Am Now Famous

The Blacklist was back on last night, it hadn't been airing because of the olympics. I really really love the show. I think's it got a great plot, great soundtrack, and I am completely in love with James Spader, sorry not sorry.

That important part is, I tweet during the show and I tweet at the actors and some people on twitter who like the show and I tweet at the official NBC Blacklist twitter. There was one part during the show that Spader's character was being incredibly sassy and brilliant and Spader was just putting down a brilliant performance. I tweeted at the NBC Blacklist twitter "Oh my god, Sassy Reddington is literally my favorite thing on this show." AND. THEY. RETWEETED. MY. TWEET. I REPEAT. A NATIONAL. TELEVISION SHOW'S TWITTER. RETWEETED. MY. TWEET. Here's a link to their twitter, if you don't believe me. Am I internet famous now?

I just thought it was really cool. I love the show and having something like that happen to me just made it even better. I don't know. I know it's a dumb little thing, but it meant a lot to me.

I'm Stupid and Lonely

Mostly stupid though.

But, lonely, yeah.

I wanted to go see The Monuments Men and mom wanted me to have someone to go with and I don't really have any friends, but I texted my friend Jenna and she was at someone's house and it got me thinking. I really have no friends. Like the kind I hang out with. I never ever have plans. Hell, I've never even been to a party. I'm really lonely. I've been in my room crying for the last twenty minuted because it just really fucking depressed me. I'm fucking eighteen and I have no life, no friends. Nothing. I'm hopeless and ugly and stupid and lonely.

And I think I'm coming down with something. My throat hurts and I've been warm all day.

I'm gonna go take a bath and try to not cut myself, because I really really want to right now.

School and Work and Knitting, Oh My!

So, I was having issues with some of my schoolwork not getting graded. I mean, I'm homeschooled, it's al online. I'm doing an online program. Anyway, most things are automatically graded. The only things my teachers actually need to grade are like some papers I write. I had things turned in last Friday and as of yesterday morning they were still not graded. I finally had to email my art history teacher and ask her when I could expect my essays to be graded. These are literally all like three-hundred word papers, it's really not that hard to grade. Anyway, she emailed me back and was like 'Oh, my bad, there were some students who were behind that I was helping. I'll grade yours tonight.' And she did and they were graded this morning, but, really? You have to understand, most of the kids in this online program are kids who have been kicked out of everywhere else, so to hear that some are behind isn't that surprising. I'm fine with it, but she also needs to realize that she has students that work hard and who expect their papers to at least be graded over the weekend. I'm a bit pissed about it.

There's something special going on at work tomorrow. See, I work at JCPenney and something they push is getting people to sign up for the JCPenney credit card, so they'll have special days for the associates and stuff. The point is, we can wear jeans if we wear a black shirt tomorrow. YAY!! Usually, we have to wear business casual. You know, khaki, nice shirts, no denim. So everyone looses their shit and gets really excited. I know I'm excited.

Also, after work I may go shopping. Old Navy is having a sale on jeans and I should go get some. The problem with me and jeans is I'm short and chubby. It's hard to find jeans that fit lengthwise and also fit well in the butt and doesn't do the odd wrinkle thing in the crotch. Am I the only one who has a problem with baggy crotch areas in jeans??!?!? But Old Navy jeans fit me really well, so I should go get some. If anyone's looking for some jeans, they're gonna be like $19 at Old Navy tomorrow. Hit 'em up!

Knitting. I'm starting placemat 4 of 7. I started them as a present for my mom for Christmas. I am so sick of them. They take forever and they're boring and they're not even interesting to make and I have to weave in all the ends and just ugh I really want to be done with them. I also want to learn how to fair isle knit. First though, I want to finish my projects, the placemats, the socks, and a scarf I started months ago.

But, I work in twelve hours, I need a shower, and I'm exhausted. Goodnight!!

Pacific Rim, Also, Guardians of the Galaxy

So yeah, I'm sitting here watching Pacific Rim with my mom and my sister. I got so much done in school today, totally made up for not having internet yesterday. It's an interesting movie so far.  Love the cast, especially Charlie Day and Burn Gorman. Science Bros FTW!

We'll see how the rest of it goes. Honestly, I don't like how the fight scenes are filmed. They're dark and wet and shaky and you have no idea what the hell is going on. I hate cinematography like that, it bothers me more than I can actually describe.

As soon as it's over, though, I'm going to have to get ready for work. I swear my schedule this week is so wonky. I went in at four on Monday, five yesterday, and three-thirty today. I have no idea how they set up the schedule sometimes. Oh well, I'm getting hours again, which is great.

Speaking of work, I may finally have a car again. Mine stopped working a few months ago and my dad said he would look at it. Of course, my dad never ever ever comes through on anything he says and he hadn't gotten to it, so I've been driving around his truck. He worked out a deal with me, and we've gotten it down to the mechanic's, so hopefully I'll have a working car soon so I can stop driving a huge ass truck everywhere. I don't mind it, but there's a huge cab on the back and it looks ridiculous and it's a bit hard to drive sometimes.

About Guardians of the Galaxy. I don't know if you've been following this film, which I have, but we got the first trailer on Jimmy Kimmel live last night. I'm so excited for it, because it's different from Marvel's usual superhero bid. Plus, Karen Gillan and James Spader, yo. It's going to be really go, I can feel it. Here's the trailer, check it out!

I Know I'm Being Foolish, But...

Ok, here's the deal. I'm chubby and ugly and I look like a kid. I know all this. I know that there is no way in hell anyone's ever going to be interested in me and I'm going to end up alone in life. That's a fact and I have accepted it. But, I fool myself all the time that someone might like me. I know it's stupid and I'm only going to hurt myself in the long run, but everyone wants to find love right?

The point is this: Pennys, where I work, is right next to Hot Topic, which is a bad idea because I'm in there almost every week buying shit I don't need. But there's this guy the works there and I see him a lot and he's really attractive and really sweet. Anyway, last night I was at work and this guy and a friend of his just randomly walked through the home department and they were like watching the register where I was, then they did like wide u-turn and walked right past the register where I was.

I know it's totally in my head, but I felt like maybe they were looking at me and, I don't know, I felt good. Every girl wants to feel like people find her attractive and I never feel that. I know, I'm stupid. Really, really, stupid. Ugh

Time to get ready for work now. Hopefully the bad roads kept people home, but I doubt it.

Downton Abbey

So, I'm sitting here watching Downton Abbey. I really really enjoy this show. First of all, I love period dramas of all kinds, so I was totally enticed from the very beginning. Also, I love the cast, I think everyone is just so sweet. Also, there are some character I really hate and dislike, which is refreshing. Sometimes, you get bored when you just love everyone in a show. I don't like Mary. I think she's a snob and kind of heartless. I didn't want her and Matthew to end up together. I'm sorry, I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I can't stand her.

See, I love Michelle Dockery. I think she's gorgeous, funny, and so sweet. But I hate Mary. See, you have to learn to differentiate between characters and the actors that play them. I hate it when people hate on an actor just because they don't like the role they've been given. A perfect example is Amanda Abbington. If you know anything about her, you know that she's really intelligent and sweet and a huge activist for animal rights, I really love her. But the backlash she get when she was cast as Mary in Sherlock was appalling. She got death threats. FUCKING DEATH THREATS, because she was given a role. She and Martin have fucking been a couple since like 2001 or something and people had the audacity to give her shit about it. Sometimes people are really fucking stupid.

A Couple Thoughts on School

So, I finally got my FAFSA done. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as my sister made it out to be. It took maybe a half hour. Noe I should really look into actually applying to a college. But part of me wants to take a semester or so off, but I also know that I should just start with college. It's what my mom wants me to do, so I probably should. What I don't get is that, until we graduate, we're expected to go to class when they say, sit, still, not talk, ask to go to the bathroom, and all that shit. Then, BOOM, you graduate and everyone expects you to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life and go to school for it. I just don't know right now.

And I'm scared of failing. I know I'm dumb and I know I'm never going to be as good or as successful as my sister, so I don't even want to try because I just have this sinking feeling in my gut that I'm not going to be able to do it and I'm going to fail.

One more thing, totally off topic. I adore Adrien Brody, I really really do,

I'm Back, Baby!

After a mini-hiatus I'm back. I've been really busy between ACTs and I finally got my FAFSA turned in and I went and got my hair cut and I had those books I needed to read and work and my sister's birthday is coming up. Yes, a bit busy.

So, the olympics. Yes. I haven't watched as much of them as I would like, but that's part of growing uo I guess. I'm hoping to catch some more this week. That Russian skater, Plushenko, he had to drop out, did you guys hear that? I felt so bad for the guy, I started crying when I read the story. I know he seems like kind of a dick sometimes, but anyone who makes it to the Olympics had worked really hard and deserves to be there.

Yeah, I did got a hair cut. Super short. Frankly, it's kind of a boy's cut, but I love it. Right now it needs washed, but it's soft and short and it's going to be so much fun.

I've been thinking. In my family, I'm a total black sheep of my family. I'm a girl that wears pants, I wear makeup, I have really short hair, and I have my ears pierced. While none of this is considered like the disaster of the century, aside from maybe my hair according to my mom, I've been thinking about something new. I've been thinking about, well, actually two things. One, I want to dye my hair black, or really really dark brown. Two, I kind of want to get my tongue pierced.

I think the hair would look really cool. I've always had a fascination with black hair, I love how it looks. I'm also really pale, and by pale I mean pasty, so I think it would look cool.

The tongue piercing because, again, I think it would look cool and , maybe kind of hot, plus I've just always thought they were so interesting.

We'll see. If anyone has any advice about either, let me know!

Explanation for My Absentness, also, I Feel Inadequate Again

Ok, so sorry you guys. I've been really busy with school this week, trying to do some catch up because I didn't get a lot done, what with what was happening with my eye and shit. On top of which, I've been working, studying for the ACTs (which are tomorrow morning and I'm freaking out), and staying up way too late. I actually just got done with school a bit ago. I shit you not, I wrote three different papers today. THREE. ONE THOUSAND. WORD. PAPERS. Do you realize how much that is when you have that in three different classes and you're supposed to get it all done in five days? And you have a job and a house and a little brother to help with? Fucking hell. Anyway

There's a new girl at work, Erin. She's really sweet and her sister works there too and I like her, but she makes me feel like so much shit. She's gorgeous. Seriously drop dead gorgeous. And tall and skinny and funny. Basically, everything I'm not. I already hate myself and shit like this doesn't really help.

I don't know, I think I'm stressed. I cut again a few nights ago. My first time in over a month. Or maybe around a month. I don't know. I was really angry at myself but it was such a release and, I'm sorry but, I felt really calm and relieved afterward, like I always do. I'm trying to stop, but it's hard.

Today Sucked Ass: A Recap

Alright, let's do this. First of all, my brother was impossible to wake up this evening, because he wouldn't go to bed last night. Then, our internet wasn't working (again) so I didn't get to start school till almost 9. Then, I had to take my little sister into our school so she could do some sort of PE shit. They're really strict there, so no music dammit.

Then it really got awesome when we got home. Mom had something huge up her ass. She usually sleeps most of the day, so I don't even know why she got up. She was pissed because the house was a mess. Fucking excuse me mom. It was clean when I left for work last night and god forbid I did school this morning. Then I did start to clean it and she seemed even more pissed. I ended up yelling at her because she freaked out at my brother for not liking the mushrooms on his pizza. Anyway, I've been in my room most of the evening.

Dinner was kind of awkward. I just sat there. The, I tried to get my sister to hurry up and clean the table but my mom get a really snooty tone and was like, "No, I've got it. You go do whatever." So, I went upstairs. If she's being a bitch, then I'm not going to be around her anymore than I have to. Apparently my little sister did stay downstairs to help. Oh well, I'm pissed and I don't care who my mom like more, cause it sure as fuck ain't me.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Also, Those Books I was Reading

I went to see Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit last night with Jenna. It was really good. It stars Chris Pine as Jack Ryan, Keira Knightly as his girlfriend Cathy, Kevin Costner as Thomas Harper, and Kenneth Branagh pulls double duty as both the film's director and also as the Russian baddie, Viktor Cherevin.

It was great. It seemed really short, though. Like, some parts dragged a bit, both other parts that I thought should have been a little more expounded and stretched out seemed very short. Kenneth Branagh did amazing as always. Personally, I find him really attractive. He does this thing, though, that whenever he talks, you don't see his teeth. But I thought he was great and I felt a lot of sympathy for his character, especially toward the end of the movie. I would suggest everyone go see it.

About those books. I'm less than 100 pages from finishing 'Contagious'. I totally forgot about one of my favorite characters dying and I was so shocked I just had to set the book down for a few minutes. I started working on a Cowl while reading, and I'm almost done with that as well. I might not have much time to read this week though because I work alot and then I have ACTs Saturday, so I really need to do some studying for that.

This damn Super Bowl, I swear to god. I'm not a sports fan, so it's not a big deal for me. My dad isn't a sports fan either, but he insisted on watching the goddamn game, and now I don't think I'm going to be able to watch Sherlock on tv tonight. My dad doesn't fucking get it. I have waited eighteen months for this show and there's only three goddamn episodes. I'm really fucking pissed about it. He does fucking whatever and he doesn't give a shit how much it inconveniences me or my mom or my sister but as soon as there's something that I really really want to do, it has to work around his schedule and god fucking forbid he miss a football game because he doesn't give two shits about these teams. Fuck him! I'm sorry, I'm just really upset.