On To bigger and Better Things.

In the time since I've last written, I have...graduated. Yeah, that's about all. Honestly, everyone makes graduation out to be a huge deal, but I don't see it. Like, whoopie you have completed the easiest part of your life, go get 'em.

I do apologize for not writing for so long. Ever since mom discovered my blog, I've kind of drifted away. I guess I don't feel safe anymore. This was my haven, my place where I could say absolutely anything, and now that fragile shell has be broken and I never know if she's reading this or not and that scares the hell out of me. Well, that, and I've proven time and time again that I am really good at starting things and really shitty at finishing them.

But, I digress. So, work. See, I don't get Penney's. We have people who are literally working nine hours a week because of 'payroll cuts' and shit, and they just hired six new people! Like, give hours to the people who are good workers and who need them, first, please and thank you. But, my hours have been ok. We've gotten like two new people in as many weeks. What sucks is some of my favorite people are leaving me. Rachel's heading down to Columbus for school, Ashley's going to Miami University in the fall, and Danielle just kind of stopped showing up. No one really knows what's going on, so asking around has been totally useless. But, I've had the last two days off, so when I go in this evening, there should be a whole slew of news/gossip for me to hear. I'm really a terrible gossip,it's horrible.

And knitting, yes. Did I ever talk about the placemats? I don't know. Well, back when I first started to knit, I decided to make my mom placemats for her Christmas present. I'm almost done with the last one. See, I really underestimated how long it would take me to make six of these, so I only had three done by Christmas, with the promise that the rest of them would be done by February at the latest. But, to someone who wants to keep learning new stitches and new techniques and stuff, they were so boring. So I worked on baby socks and hair bows and a lot of other things while occasionally doing the placemats. But I have one more section on my last one, then I'm finally done. I can't wait to never ever ever ever ever have to make those again. Easy, but very boring. My next project is a sweater for me. I'm super excited. It's a ballet sweater, one of those that ties right under your boobs. Here's the thing though: the yarn they wanted me to use, I looked around online for and hour and couldn't find it and when I did, it was like $38 a ball and I needed like four, so no thanks. So I went internet hunting and found some much cheaper, much prettier, yarn. It's going to be black, charcoal gray, and a really deep primrose. I'm super excited. I have the rest of the yarn and a ball winder that should hopefully be arriving from Amazon today, so I'm going to finish that placemat in the next day or two (knock on wood) then it's onto the sweater! I am really so excited about this. I will wear it everyday.

Well, the Alternative Press Music Awards are a month away and I haven't even asked anyone to go with me. I literally don't even care if I find someone or not, I am going to this and not even mom will stop me. She told me that if I go 'against her wishes' and go by myself that there will be consequences, but what she doesn't consider is that I understand that perfectly, but I think the risk is totally worth it. Plus, AP has special commemorative issue magazines, four of them, Andy Biersack, Oli Skyes, Patrick Stump, and Brendon Urie, so yeah, I'm gonna buy those and hopefully a signed Brendon Urie poster.

My grad party is soon. The 29th, I think. How much planning and preparing do you think I've done. Yup, none. Well, that's not entirely true. I've started looking though pictures on my computer to figure out which ones I want. I did not realize how many selfies I took. A fuckton, man! Anyway, we're slowly getting that going.

Dad is still going to Texas. he leaves Sunday. He wants us all to fly out to see him sometime in August. It is hell on earth, let me tell you. First of all, this company has changed his departure date like twenty times, so I don't want to ask for the dates off of work yet because they'll probably change. And mom is mad because she doesn't want to go. She's scared of flying and she think Alan will be a hassle. I mean, maybe she can grow the fuck up and just deal? I don't know. And the other night mom and dad sat us all down for a meeting in which they said that we'd have to help around the house and listen to mom while dad's gone. I have two problem with this. One: They kept going to about how we would have to really step it up with cooking, cleaning, and watching Alan. They made it seem like dad actually did some of that, which he in no way ever did. In my eighteen years of life, I never remember him once helping us clean the house. Then they tell us that we'll need to help out even more since he'll be gone. Yeah, go fuck yourselves. And two: mom has a damn martyr complex. She gave us a whole speech about how we can't walk all over her while he's gone and we'll have to respect her and on and on and on. Listen, I know it makes me seem like a terrible and ungrateful teenager, and maybe I am, but I respect my parents enough and probably more than they deserve. See, I don't care who you are, parent, teacher, boss, whatever. I will give you basic respect because that's what I've been raised to do. If you want anything more than that, fucking earn it. Mom told me once that it was my job to respect her weather she deserved it or not, because she was my mother. I don't agree with that. She's not immune to criticism and disrespect just because she gave birth to me. I should be allowed to speak my mind to her, but I rarely do because if you upset her, she gets so pissy and won't speak and everyone just get all hot and bothered.

But yeah, I think I'm done. Probably, no one read all the way to the end, but thanks if you did. I realize that no one reads this blog anyway, but it's nice to be able to scream into a chasm, even if that chasm is only cyberspace.

Cedar Point this weekend!

So yeah, a girl from my sister's church is a student at OSU so they can get cheaper tickets and OSU day is the day before the park opens to the public, so it's gonna be me, my sister, her friend from church Melody, Phillip, and Abby, and Abby's brother Kyle. Kyle's in the same situation as me in that he left the same religion and his family is still in it and it's rough on him sometimes. But I just adore him, he's so funny and so great to talk to. It should be a ton of fun, I love Cedar Point so much. Rollercoasters are like hell yeah. But hey, if anyone's gonna be there, let me know. Meetup!

And I've started planning my grad party. On my part, I need to get pictures and invites printed, I need to get a playlist together, and I need to get my display board together. Mom's heading the food and decoration committee. Should be a lot of fun. I need to figure out how to do the playlist. Like, burn a cd? Or take my laptop and just play it off that? If anyone has a suggestion, please let me know!

Anywho, I think that's it. I have Wednesday and Thursday off, so I'll probably try to start some graduation prep, then Cedar Point Friday! I forgot to ask for that day off, and it seemed like everyone either worked or had something going on, but thankfully Mazen offered to take it, so I totally owe him.

I am so sick of my crappy internet.

Seriously, though, I haven't gotten any school done the last two days, so I'm at the library again. I need to finish my Psychology course by the end of the day because it's the last day of the quarter and whatnot. So I need to finish writing an essay, write another essay, take a test, so a course review, and take a course exam. And I need to be done by three. I'm telling you all this because I am lazy and a procrastinator.

Oh my god, I had the craziest thing to tell you. So this guy and I met online and we were taking (Yes, I know how it sounds, I've had the stranger danger talk, please) and it turns out we both live in Lima. So he asked if he could stop by my work to meet and and I thought 'ok, at my work, public place, why not?' so I was like yeah, sure stop in tomorrow evening. So he did and it turns out he goes to the of the sister churches of my mom's church and he knows my sister and we know a lot of the same people. I was like 'Holy shit I was really talking to a church boy about how much I don't believe in god wow ok'. I mean he was sweet and all, but he was a country bumpkin I guess. I mean, he asked me what analytical meant and I was like nope nope no I need out of this conversation. So nice and all, but I kinda hope I never see him again. It was definitely a new experience though and I'd probably do it again.

Speaking of work, I got called in early yesterday, so that was interesting. I was supposed to work at 5, but I got a call from one of the managers. The opener called off so they called everyone and moved their shifts up. I was at work from 1 to 9:30. It was so long, but nice for the check.

But I do really need to get school done, I just feel bad if I don't post every few days. But my Internet sucks, so what can you do, right?

Work makes me really tense.

Seriously, we were swamped today. I have social anxiety, so being around a lot of people can really stress me out and scare me at times. I was doing great today, even though it was the busiest we've been in weeks, I was totally okay. Then I got trapped behind the register for an hour. Usually I 'll do it for a while then pass it off because I can't handle it, but there was no one else. Andrew finally came up later and got on the other register. We close at 6, but we had people in line until 6:20, it was awful. I was shaking and my breathing was really erratic by the time everyone was gone. See, I think Andrew might have an idea what I go through. We've talked about anxiety and such before. I appreciate him so much, I feel like I can trust him, he knows more about my issues than anyone else there. So when we were done he was like, 'You ok? Doing good? Ok, you're awesome, remember that.' and I just really appreciate him and he has great taste in music and I get so upset when I remember that he's married dammit. But I still appreciate him for being an amazing and supportive person who's willing to deal with all the weird shit I tell him.

But there was a special sale for employee's and stuff today (I love working at Penneys) so I scored some work clothes and they're awesome.

You know what? I haven't knitted much lately. I've been really busy. I've been behind in my school work so I've been doing double trying to catch up, I worked five days last week, I've been trying to schedule senior pics, I'm trying to coordinate some stuff going on in the next few months. It's been busy. I did a bit last night but I was so tired I crashed.

This week should be better. I'm like two lessons away form being caught up with school, so cool. I really need to do my laundry tomorrow though, so I may do that during school. And I only work four days this week. I do work tomorrow night though, but then I have two days off, yay!

School and Work and Knitting, Oh My!

So, I was having issues with some of my schoolwork not getting graded. I mean, I'm homeschooled, it's al online. I'm doing an online program. Anyway, most things are automatically graded. The only things my teachers actually need to grade are like some papers I write. I had things turned in last Friday and as of yesterday morning they were still not graded. I finally had to email my art history teacher and ask her when I could expect my essays to be graded. These are literally all like three-hundred word papers, it's really not that hard to grade. Anyway, she emailed me back and was like 'Oh, my bad, there were some students who were behind that I was helping. I'll grade yours tonight.' And she did and they were graded this morning, but, really? You have to understand, most of the kids in this online program are kids who have been kicked out of everywhere else, so to hear that some are behind isn't that surprising. I'm fine with it, but she also needs to realize that she has students that work hard and who expect their papers to at least be graded over the weekend. I'm a bit pissed about it.

There's something special going on at work tomorrow. See, I work at JCPenney and something they push is getting people to sign up for the JCPenney credit card, so they'll have special days for the associates and stuff. The point is, we can wear jeans if we wear a black shirt tomorrow. YAY!! Usually, we have to wear business casual. You know, khaki, nice shirts, no denim. So everyone looses their shit and gets really excited. I know I'm excited.

Also, after work I may go shopping. Old Navy is having a sale on jeans and I should go get some. The problem with me and jeans is I'm short and chubby. It's hard to find jeans that fit lengthwise and also fit well in the butt and doesn't do the odd wrinkle thing in the crotch. Am I the only one who has a problem with baggy crotch areas in jeans??!?!? But Old Navy jeans fit me really well, so I should go get some. If anyone's looking for some jeans, they're gonna be like $19 at Old Navy tomorrow. Hit 'em up!

Knitting. I'm starting placemat 4 of 7. I started them as a present for my mom for Christmas. I am so sick of them. They take forever and they're boring and they're not even interesting to make and I have to weave in all the ends and just ugh I really want to be done with them. I also want to learn how to fair isle knit. First though, I want to finish my projects, the placemats, the socks, and a scarf I started months ago.

But, I work in twelve hours, I need a shower, and I'm exhausted. Goodnight!!