Mental Health Day

I had to take a mental health day today. And I do mean *had* to. I've just been so crazy busy since school started and it had really been getting to me over the last week or so. Like, badly. I was having a breakdown almost every day, and I was just too tired and I wasn't in a good mental state.

So last night, I got drunk. Like, three margaritas drunk. I felt great, but according to Kenny, I was crying and having a complete breakdown all night. So early this morning, like 5 am when I was up feeling hungover as fuuuuuuuck, I decided that there was no way in hell that I was dragging my sorry ass to campus today. So I didn't. I stayed home and sat on the couch watching Netflix all day while Kenny took care of me. I felt nauseous most of the day, and he just helped make sure I was okay.

It was amazing getting to just sit around for a day, and I really really think it helped me. But I'm just really glad I have Kenny. He's been amazing all day; cooking dinner, doing anything I need, making sure I actually feel good enough mentally to go to school. I'm really really lucky that I have someone like him in my life.

Routines

So, two weeks into school and I think I can safely say that I'm settling into my routine nicely. It's times like this when I realize, moreso than normal, how lucky I am to have Kenny in my life. Since school's started he's been helping out with cleaning and laundry even more than he already was. I just really appreciate knowing that I can lean on him when I need help. At the moment, he's actually switching over laundry while I take a break from homework to write this.

School's been crazy already. I'm tutoring 16 hours a week, but so far I really like all my students. For the most part, they don't seem like total idiots, which automatically makes them different from most other students I've had to tutor. And my classes are all really interesting, but there's so much work. I had to give a presentation on my second week of classes, which fucked me up mentally. But I survived, so it's all good. It is a lot of work, and between that and tutoring and my job, I'm crazy busy. It can get really stressful, but Kenny's got my back, and that makes things a little easier to handle.

"So here I am, I'm right back at it again..."

A Day To Remember is one of my favorite bands, and I thought this quote from one of their songs was only appropriate for the first day of school. As always, I'm a massive bundle of nerves, but I'll be okay. I have my bag all packed, songs picked out, and I honestly feel better know that I'm going to get to come home to Kenny at the end of the day and talk to him about my first day back.

First days are hard enough, but they're doubly hard for me with my anxiety. I mean, I get really nervous in new classes when I know the teacher and most of the students, but this semester I'm taking some lower level classes, meaning I won't know anyone in the classes, and I'm have classes with some teachers that I've never sat under before, so that makes me really nervous too. However, my classes this semester are really cool. I'm taking a Tudor History class (one of my favorite periods), a Rock and Roll History class (one of my favorite genres), a Shakespeare class (one of my favorite authors), a poetry class (one of my favorite forms of creative writing), and an American Sign Language class (one of my favorite languages). So, I'm pretty well set on classes. I know that I perform better when I'm personally invested/interested in the material, so I feel like I'm going to do really well this semester, Regardless, I'm gonna work my ass off because I really want to make Dean's List. I've made it the last three semesters and I want to keep that up.

Time wise, my schedule is looking really nice too. No classes before 10, and with my tutoring, the earliest I'll have to be on campus is 9, which is just perfect for me. I am gonna be crazy busy though. Between classes, tutoring, work, and trying to keep on top of the house, laundry, etc, I'm going to be going nonstop. It's all worth it though. I really love where my life is at right now and I cannot wait to see what happens this semester.

I did it.

Here I am, at 6:36 am, sitting on my living room floor, half-asleep. But I did it. I woke up at 6. I needed to do something to get me woken up, so I did laundry and cleaned for a bit, then I said fuck that, now I'm just gonna sit and read and try to stay awake. At this point, I'm just trying to get used to the idea of waking up and staying awake at 6am. But, the coffee is ready, so I'm gonna go pour the entire pot over my face.

Resetting my body clock.

Probably one of the hardest things for me to do, to be totally honest. But, school starts in a few weeks and I need to get ready, I'm taking four classes, tutoring, working, and I'll still have to find time for homework, housework, and maintaining my relationship, So, I need to start getting into my new routine.

Starting Sunday, I'm going to try to start getting up at 6. I want to have time to workout, shower, and get ready for the day without having to be too rushed.

In other news, I'm gonna make a glitter tumbler for school. What's a glitter tumbler? This.
It's gonna be awesome and beautiful and almost as fabulous as me.

Baffled

I was browsing around on Goodreads, one of my favorite websites. You rate, review, and shelve books and things like that. Anyway, I was looking at the page for the book Gone Girl and I was surprised to see that it has a great rating and glowing reviews, Personally, it is one of my least favorite books I've ever read, and I've read the entire Twilight series.

Frankly, I just found the entire cast of characters whiny, self-centered, dumb, and uninteresting. Then the end, oh my god don't even get me started. Like, look, life sucks and often the shitty people come out on top. I have to deal with that enough in my day to day life, I shouldn't have to read a book that shoves that reminder in my face in such a terrible way. Amy is the worst character ever written, even worse than Delores Umbridge, in my opinion. I just don't get why people were so enchanted by it. I mean, when I finished reading it, I felt dirty. Like, I felt bad, it was such a dissatisfying ending.

I'm a Chronic Overreacter

But we'll get to that in a moment. First off is the student I'm tutoring this summer. One of the reasons she's so hard to work with is that she doesn't care about it. Like, she's skipped a couple classes, then she's skipped the make-up appointments. Plus she's just unmotivated and, frankly, stupid. She was supposed to be here ten minutes ago, but she probably won't show for another half hour.

But, anyways, I am, in fact, a chronic overreacter. Like, I could find out some tiny, silly detail and it bothers me, then I'll just totally shut down and stop communicating. Like, I overthink everything and take shit way too personally and, frankly, it's a problem for me.