Apparently I don't like hockey.

So, everyone went to church this morning and I, since I'm a heathen who's going to hell, stayed home. So I did my normal Sunday thing. I showered, got dressed, made coffee, and settled in the living room with the tv on and a stack of homework on my lap. It was really nice. The house was quiet, I was reading a cool article for school, and there was a hockey game on.

I'm not, like, a huge sports fan, but I enjoy hockey well enough. I understand it and it's cool seeing people play it. So I was chilling, doing homework, and watching hockey. and enter sister.

She had just gotten home and she and her guy wanted to watch basketball, I guess. so she comes into the living room, and we had an exchange something like this:

Ariel: Hey, are you actually into this?
Me: Yeah, kinda..
A: Well, there's a basketball game on that Luke and I want to watch.
Me: Okay, that's cool..
A: So, I'm gonna change this then, since you're not really into it anyway.
Me:......

So, yeah, that happened. I'm so tired of her constantly thinking that I give a solitary fuck about what comes out of her mouth and I'm really fucking sick of her thinking that what she wants trumps what anyone else wants.

I'm just tired.

Social Justice

So, I'm sitting here, helping with this voter registration thing, and I'm stuck sitting next to a social justice warrior. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for social justice, equality, everything. I'm possibly the most liberal person I know.

But this girl is the kind of person who got mad at me for calling myself gay because that, in her view, "Opresses the LGBTIQQ culture". Excuse me, tho, I'm like 12% sure that you, as a straight person, or as someone who is not me, are not allowed to tell me what I can and cannot call myself.

Fight Me

Okay. When it comes to Harry Potter, I get hella defensive. Like, if some bitch tries to act like she knows more than me, I'm willing to smack a bitch down both verbally and physically, if need be.

Which ties nicely into my story. So, there's this girl in my Potter class that is absolutely pissing me the fuck off. I can't tell if she's read the books before or not, but I don't think so. She asks the dumbest questions, but that's not why I'm pissed.

So, here's what happened. In short, I made a comment about how a scene with the Veela promoted a heteronormative culture because only men were affected by these creatures. This girl got so defensive and interrupted me and said "Well, we were only seeing the people Harry was around, so maybe we just didn't see it." Which would have been fine, but I went on to talk about how we never see any women affected by these creatures and

This bitch

Scoffed at me.

I just kind of looked at her for a moment.

Then, and this is the good part, a few moments later she said two of the dumbest things. A) She forgot who Dean Thomas was and called him the "Black minor character". Bitch! He's a secondary character. Minor my ass. B) She didn't know how the Riddles were killed or who killed them. So the whole class, including Dr. Beth, said that Tom killed them with magic...cause he's a fucking wizard. And she, get this, she said that she didn't think that's what happened.

I actually laughed. I know I'm being petty about this, but this motherfucker is trying to step to me while being so unbelievably thick, I just can't deal.

Harry Potter and The Poorly Argumented Article

As you might know, I'm taking a Harry Potter class this semester. Over the weekend, we had to read a paper titled "Harry Potter and The Magical World of Patriarchy". Basically, Christine Schoefer, the author, promotes the idea that the Potter series is anti-woman. I'm not going to go into a tom of detail about her arguments, but I'll attach the article. It's a bit over two pages long, so definitely give it a read if you have just a few moments.

I was really curious to know whether or not her point of view changed, so I did a search (Google, of course) and I actually found her blog. I wrote her an e-mail asking her what evidence she had to back her claim and if her opinion ever changed. I'm really excited to see if she e-mails me back and what she says. If she does, I'll totally post her reply.


Addemdum: I realized I cannot upload a file, so I'm going to cite and past the article below.

Harry Potter and the magical world of patriarchy. By: Schoefer, Christine, New Moon Network, 10835970, Mar/Apr2000, Vol. 7, Issue 4

Believe me, I tried as hard as I could to ignore the sexism. I really wanted to love Harry Potter. But I couldn't.

FOUR FACTORS MADE ME GO OUT and buy the Harry Potter books: their impressive lead on the bestseller lists, parents' raves about Harry Potter's magical ability to lure kids into marathon reading sessions, my daughters' clamoring, and the mile-long waiting lists at the public library. Once I opened The Scorcher's Stone, I was hooked. Glittering mystery and nail-biting suspense, compelling language and colorful imagery, magical feats juxtaposed with real-life concerns all contributed to making this book a page-turner. Of course, Diagon Alley haunted me, the Sorting Hat dazzled me, Quidditch intrigued me. Believe me, I tried as hard as I could to ignore the sexism. I really wanted to love Harry Potter. But I couldn't. At the risk of being labeled a heavy-handed feminist with no sense of humor, I feel compelled to issue a warning: reading Harry Potter may be detrimental to your child's conception of women and girls.

Harry's fictional realm of magic and wizardry perfectly mirrors our patriarchal world in terms of power structures, relationship dynamics, and behavior cliches. From the beginning, it is boys and men, wizards and sorcerers who catch our attention by dominating the scenes and determining the action. Harry, of course, plays the lead. In his epic struggle with the forces of darkness--the evil wizard Voldemort and his male henchmen--Harry is supported by the venerable good wizard Dumbledore and a colorful cast of male characters. Girls, when not downright silly or dislikable, are helpers, enablers, and instruments. No girl is heroic the way Harry is, no female figure is permitted to play on the side of evil. But, you interject, what about Harry's good friend Hermione--isn't she a main character? After a long struggle for his acceptance, Hermione becomes Harry's sidekick. Their relationship reminds me of Dennis the Menace and Margaret's: Hermione is a smart goody-goody who annoys the boys by constantly reminding them of school rules. Early on, she is described as "a bossy know-it-all," hissing at the boys "like an angry goose" Halfway through the first book, when Harry rescues her with Ron's assistance (she freezes, "her mouth open with terror" before she "sinks to the floor in fright"), the hierarchy of power is established. Hermione repays the boys with her complicity--she lies to cover up for them.

True, Hermione is the smartest student at Hogwarts, but there is something pathetic about her. Maybe it's the way she works so hard to get Harry and Ron's approval and respect, in spite of the boys' constant teasing and rejection. Maybe it's the fact that she has no girlfriends, but then, there don't seem to be any girls at Hogwart's School of Magic worth her attention. (A good affirmative action program would do wonders for the school--and the book.) Maybe it's the fact that, again and again, her emotions interfere with her intelligence. When it comes to applying her knowledge, she loses her head. Although Hermione casts successful spells for the boys, she messes up her own and consequently hides in the bathroom with cat fur on her face. Maybe it's because in the end, her knowledge and her effort can never hold a candle to Harry's glorious, rule-defying courage.

Even though Hermione eventually earns the boys' begrudging respect and friendship, her thirst for knowledge remains a constant source of irritation for them. And who can blame them? Hermione, whose nose seems stuck in books, is no fun. She may not be hung up on her looks, but her relentless studying has the all characteristics of a disorder: it makes her ill-humored, threatens her health, and renders her oblivious to her surroundings.

Ron's younger sister, Ginny, who can't help blushing and stammering around Harry, fares even worse than Hermione. "Stupid little Ginny" unwittingly becomes the tool of evil, when she writes into a magical diary. For months and months, Voldemort's agent tells us, "the foolish little brat" confides "all her pitiful worries and woes--how her brothers tease her... how she didn't think famous good great Harry Potter would ever like her..." to these pages. We are told that "it's very boring, having to listen to the silly little troubles of an eleven-year old girl." (my italics).

The male characters join the all-important struggle between good and evil. Women as well as the girls seem so distracted by the small matters at hand and so caught up in their emotions that they lose sight of the bigger picture. Without exception, the girls shriek, scream, gasp, and giggle (in the presence of boys) in situations where boys retain their composure.

This description of guests in the Leaky Cauldron pub sums up the author's valuing of male and female: there are "funny little witches," "venerable looking wizards" who argue philosophy, "wild looking warlocks," "raucous dwarfs," and a "hag" ordering a plate of raw liver. Where would you like to fit in? rest my case.

But I remain perplexed that a woman, the mother of a daughter, could, at the turn of the 20th century, write a book so full of subtle and bold misogyny. And I am troubled by my daughters' willingness to ignore these stereotypes. Surely, it is girls' ability to mentally morph into boy's characters that enables them to enjoy the story. True, this practice conditions our mental dexterity, perhaps even our empathic ability. But boys, who are never expected to read "girls' books" (meaning books that feature a female protagonist) don't seem to require this kind of training.

I remember well my own realization, as a teenager, that the characters with whom I had identified were all male. Literary female role models were few and far between. I have no doubt that slipping into the role of the male hero, which required that I both abdicate and trivialize female life experience, interfered with my ability to shape a strong identity as a girl and a woman.

After wondering for a while how to cushion the impact of Harry Potter's messages for my daughters, who are happily devouring the books as I write, I decided to take the risk of spoiling their fun by telling them the story of this "book review." They listened intently but I could sense their resistance. Of course, they agreed with me that Harry (and even Ron) was much more exciting than Hermione, but it had not occurred to them that they could be bothered by that fact. Without my years of study and experience to school their critical perception, they simply took the book for what it was--an exciting story that existed without a larger social and cultural context. They slipped into the characters and situations they liked best, never stopping to consider how much smoother the fit might be if they got to love the female characters.

Certainly, my comments didn't stop them from reading the books, or mitigate their appreciation of them. "Sometimes," my 10-year-old explained to me, "I think about what you said. But mostly, I just enjoy the story." My 12-year-old nodded her agreement and wondered why a mother of a daughter would choose to write so positively about a Harry instead of a Peggy. But I'm left wondering.

On the one hand, I'm glad that their ability to appreciate stories is not so easily spoiled. For what would there be left to read if they avoided all literature with gendered stereotypes? But on the other hand, I do hope that I have planted a seed--a seed of awareness and critical ability that will blossom into a search for images (and realities) of strong, creative, and vital girls and women, and of boys and men who are not threatened by them.

Book guides for girls

Try one of these guides if you're looking for books featuring strong girls and women.

The Mother-Daughter Book Club: How Ten Busy Mothers and Daughters Came Together to Talk, Laugh, and Learn Through Their Love of Reading, by Shireen Dodson, HarperCollins, 1997

Once Upon A Heroine: 450 Books for Girls to Love, by Alison Cooper-Mullin and Jennifer Marmaduke Coye, Contemporary Books, 1998

Great Books for Girls: More Than 600 Books To Inspire Today's Girls and Tomorrow's Women, by Kathleen Odean, Ballantine, 1997

A few good books for girls

Climb or Die, by Edward Myers, Hyperion, 1994 (adventure, ages 10-13)

Rachel Chance, by Jean Thesman, Houghton, 1990 (adventure, ages 11-14)

The Shimmershine Queens, by Camille Yarbrough, Random House (contemporary, ages 9-12)

Toning the Sweep, by Angela Johnson, Orchard, 1993 (contemporary, ages 11-14).

Who Let Girls in the Boys' Locker Room? by Elaine Moore, Troll, 1994 (sports, ages 10-13)

Run For Your Life, by Marilyn Levy, Houghton, 1996 (sports, ages 13-14)

Number the Stars, by Lois Lowry, Houghton, 1989 (historical fiction, ages 9-12)

The Ballad of Lucy Whipple, by Karen Cushman, Houghton, 1996 (historical fiction, ages 8-11)

The Midwife's Apprentice, by Karen Cushman, Clarion, 1995 (historical fiction, ages 11-14)

Catherine, Called Birdy, by Karen Cushman, Clarion, 1994 (historical fiction, ages 8-11)

Ella Enchanted, by Gail Carson Levine, HarperCollins, 1997 (fantasy/science fiction, ages 8-11)

Dealing With Dragons, by Patricia C. Wrede, Harcourt Brace 1990 (fantasy/ science fiction, ages 8-11, the first in a series of four books called The Enchanted Forest Chronicles)

~~~~~~~~

By Christine Schoefer

Christine Schoefer is a Berkeley, California, writer with two daughters. She has written for Mothering, The Nation, The Los Angeles Times, and many other publications.

Don't Drop That Thun Thun Thun

I didn't drop that thun thun thun (Is that even how it's spelled??) but I did drop my Stats class. I feel kind of weak for having to drop it, but I think it'll be good for me in the long run.

See, even without Stats, I'm taking five classes and they all have papers and oresentation and research projects and so so so so so much reading. There's usually at least two nights a week where I'll have 200+ pages of reading to do in a night. Now, add in Stats. I was probably putting in 4ish hours of homework just for that class every week. And I still wasn't doing well.

If I had kept it, I probably would have (A) killed my GPA at the end of the semester and (B) really stressed myself out. My goal for this semester is to not get so stressed out over school that I start crying, so I made the decision to drop Stats to protect my mental health.

I'm the kind of person who gets easily overwhelmed, so I probably would not have handled the class very well. Kenny pointed that out and told me that he completely supported my decision to drop Stats and that he thought it was a really good idea. I love that he always has my back, because I know that if he told me that dropping the class was a good idea, then he really believed that, because he doesn't bullshit with me.

So yeah, I still have a crazy bust schedule, but at least now I'll probably retain my mental sanity for the whole semester.

Probably.

Late Night Thoughts

Let's talk about the phrase "No one's gonna love you until you love yourself". Specifically, I wanna talk about why it's total bullshit. Basically, it's saying that until we're happy with ourselves, we're not going to find people to care about us. So, since I have body issues, I can't expect to have people in my life that love me? Until I get to a place where I can genuinely say I love myself, I'm never going to find people to love me? No. Fuck no.

You want to know something? The guy I've been with for the last ten months has loved me more than I ever thought I deserved. He's loved me at times when I absolutely despised myself. During those times, he never stopped telling me that he loved me and that I was cared for. He's helped me to find some things about myself that I like, and maybe even love.

Don't ever let someone tell you that you don't deserve someone's love just because you have issues with yourself. Sometimes, it's those people who are going to help you find some things to like about yourself in those times when you're disgusted just by being you. Let people in, let them help you learn to love yourself. Don't cut yourself off just because you don't think you deserve love. Because you do. You so fucking do.

LIES!!

Lies as in the show "Lie to Me". I may have talked about it already, but I don't think so. Long story short, Kenny and I went and saw "The Hateful 8", the new Tarantino movie. There was a British guy, so I looked at Kenny and said, "That British guy is really fucking hot. Which probably means he's a bad guy." Because I have this weird gift where I always subconsciously find the bad guy in films and I think he or she is sexy as fuck.

So, hot British guy. You follow?

Kenny later told me that that guy was Tim Roth and he played the lead in a show called "Lie to Me". So, naturally, I started binge watching it on Netflix. I've gotten through the first season already.

I was watching it and texting Kenny last night and he asked me how far into it I was. So, I looked. I told him that I had just started season two. And then I also found out that this show only had three season. So I texted him. The conversation looked something like this:

Me: OH MY GOD THERE'S ONLY THREE SEASONS
Kenny: Yeah, I should have warned you about that.
Me: OH MY GOD YOU KNEW?!?!?!
Kenny: I forgot!
Me: I cannot

I was lowkey distraught. I'm so bummed about it, the show is fucking incredible. You should watch it if you haven't already.

So yeah, that was my night last night.