I wrote this at 8:50 last night, didn't have internet so I'm posting now.

So, I was supposed to see Divergent last night, but the friend who I was going with was too tired after her shift at Lowe's, so it got called off. That means that I sat in the parking lot after work for half an hour on a Thursday night for her to call and say she was too tired. So we rescheduled for tonight. You know, no big deal, whatever. Then, we plan for tonight and I have my ticket bought and paid for and I'm all excited. I had actually just done my hair and put a bit of hairspray in it when she texts me and says she can't go tonight because her mom needs her car. Straight up, I feel like she just doesn't want to hang out with me and I've been in my room crying for an hour. If she tries to schedule again I'm just going to tell her I'm busy. Honestly I'm really upset about it. I mean, if she doesn't want to go see it with me she should just tell me. I know it's just a dumb movie, but I don't have any other friends to go with because the few people whose number I have are either in other states or they wouldn't want to go with me. I'm just gonna go to bed early and be really rested for work tomorrow morning.

Yeah, I actually work tomorrow morning, I'm so excited. During the week, I only work nights because of high school and stuff, so I'd love to open and work mornings on the weekends but usually they're like 'lol nope you can close for five days straight what' At least I had today off, I had to close for four days straight before today. In short, I think hell with be a busy department store with only two registers.

I got a really cute skirt at TJMaxx today. It's really simple and long and black and it comes up just a bit in the front so you can see my feet. I love it and my mom just about pissed herself when she saw I bought a long skirt she was so excited.

Yeah, I think I'm just trying to distract myself from the fact that Jenna fucking canceled two nights in a row. I'm hurt and upset, but I'm just getting angry now. It's fucking bullshit, that bitch. I'm done. Maybe I will just go, I have the damn ticket, then I can tell her that I had already bought the ticket so I just went anyway. I'll go by myself, but I'll probably tell her that I went with some friends, because I'm a petty little dick. Yeah, fuck Jenna, I'm going to the goddamn movie. Ok, see you later.

Happy Spring!

I'm freezing my ass off. Seriously, it's freezing in my house. Ugh. Fucking first day of spring my ass.

I had a thought just a few minutes ago. Swimsuit season. Then I got really panicked. Ok, I have a few problems with swimsuit season. One, I'm ugly and way too fat for bikinis so I don't wear them and everyone one else on earth looks better in swimwear than I do and it makes me cry and hate myself. Two, scars. I have a bunch on my thighs and a lot on my arms, mainly wrists and upper arms. Are you seeing my problem? How am I supposed to hide them for four months while everyone else is in tank tops and booty shorts? Plus, again, fat and ugly, so the more of my I can hide under clothing, the better it is for me and everyone who has to look at me. Ugh. This is one of the top reasons why I hate summer. I feel insecure and I get depressed, so I want to cut, but I can cause it's short sleeve season, so I get more depressed. Fuck everything, I'll wear jackets all summer. That's not weird or anything.

I've been training the new girl at work. Another one. She's really sweet and she's catching on really quick. And I'm frumpy and ugly and she's cute and sweet and I hate everything. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who does any actual work in that department, because everyone else just stands around and talks. I mean, I do too sometimes, but I also get a lot of shit done and it's just I wish they would help and and actually work sometimes and just blegh. Oh well, that's life I suppose.

I've been reading American Gods By Neil Gaiman over the last week. It's a library book so I have to go renew it tomorrow because I really love it. Gaiman's a great writer. I read his book Stardust a couple of years ago. A bit fanciful for me, but well written in my opinion. so, I'm eager to finish this one and tell you how I like it.

I have an excuse.

I was gone for a few days because our internet wasn't working. I also had an eye appointment yesterday morning. I'm actually at the library now because our internet still isn't working. So I decided to blog instead of catching up on three days of work.

So, eye doctor. I'm apparently not going to be getting new contacts until the middle of summer. They said my eyesight had improved but they didn't want to give me anything new when my eyes could very possible change over the next few months. So, I'm back in glasses for the foreseeable future. Haha, get it? ForSEEable? As in see? Hahaha, ok. I'm ticked about it. I don't want to do my senior pictures in glasses. Fuck it all. I mean, I totally understand where they're coming from, but I'm still bummed about it.

INFERNO. IF YOU'VE NEVER READ DAN BROWN STOP READING THIS BLOG, GO READ HIS BOOKS, THEN COME BACK AND READ THIS BLOG. I really enjoyed it. Less religious than his other books, which worked well for him. There were a few twists, which is to be expected, and I loved the ending. A, well done, would read again.

Speaking of reading, I'm now starting Neil Gaiman's American Gods. I read and enjoyed his book Stardust, and I had heard only good things about this book, so I'm giving it a try. Not very far in, maybe thirty pages or so, but I'm enjoying it. I'll keep you posted.

Texas (Again) and New Music

So dad apparently accepted the offer so he'll be leaving for Texas by the end of the month. I think it'll be fine. Honestly, I'm not really bothered by it either way. It's weird but things like that very rarely actually bother me. Usually I'm indifferent one way or the other. I know everyone else in my family is like freaking out about it and I'm just like, 'I bought new yarn for my project.' Which is totally true by the way, I did buy some yarn yesterday. It's a cute wool/nylon blend. I'll post some pictures soon, once I've started. I'm gauging it currently, so that make take a few days.

I've been listening to Silverstein while doing school today. Andrew from work reccommended them. We got on the subject of Canadian musicians and he said that his favorite band hailed from there, Silverstein. I had heard of them but never actually listened to them. They're very good. I wasn't aware that they were Canadian. Oh, the things you learn when you talk to your favorite person at work.

I've been reading Dan Brown's new book, Inferno, the last few days. I'm such a fan of his. When I first starting reading books other than what I found in the young adults section, his Robert Langdon books were some of the first I read. I love looking for symbols in things ever since I was a kid, so I just fell in love with everything he wrote.

I'm hoping to finish school here real soon, then I need to clean my room, do some laundry, and then hopefully curl up in my chair and read and knit till I have to get ready for work.

My dad, My sister, and Texas

So, it's really looking like he might be doing the Texas thing. But apparently he and my older sister were talking about it and she got really mad and started crying and shit. Moment of honesty, do you want to know why I think she's so upset about it? Of course you do, you're reading my blog. I know Ariel well enough to know that she's really self-obsessed and she hates to be inconvenienced in any way. That's what it boils down to, she doesn't want anything to change because she hates change. I don't mean this to be whiny or rude, but my dad has always been a lot more involved in Ariel's life more than he has been in mine or Alana's, so she and I are far less affected by this than Ariel is. She doesn't want him to leave because she depends on him when she needs anything like her car's acting up or any little thing. Maybe she can start getting off her ass and actually doing shit rather than having dad or us do it all the time, hmm? Anyway, he's supposed to be making a decision, well, yesterday I think but he probably hasn't yet. I should know soon though, but I'm pretty confident he's choosing Texas.

My dad might be leaving the state for five months, and I'm not really bothered.

See, my dad and I have never been really close anyway. I've always felt like he likes my older sister and my baby brother more than he likes my younger sister and I. I've seen him go out of his way to help my older sister time and time again and I feel like he can hardly ever be bothered to help me with anything. Plus, ever since I can remember, he would say he'd do something then never do it or not do it till weeks or even months later, so I find it really hard to trust him and it leads to a bit of a strained relationship. But yeah, a construction company he works for really wants to ship him out. He'd probably be able to come home for two days a month, so it's not like I wouldn't see him at all. I think it would be good. Last year he would be out of town for three, four days at a time and it seemed like everything would go so much smoother for us as a family. Because when dad's around, he says to do something and everyone scrambles to do it, weather you want to or not. So it's nice to just be more chill in general.

I should probably definitely be asleep right now.

Seriously, I have to get up at six. So, I went back to the retina specialists, for the thing with my eye. They said they saw some improvement and they were happy with it so far. Then they put twenty different drops in my eyes, moved me to six different rooms, and gave me a shot in my eye.

I do this annoying thing on Facebook where I post like a bunch. Like, a BUNCH. It only happenes every once in a while, but it's like twenty posts in the space of half an hour. Anyway, I did it tonight, and I had like three people be like 'go to Twitter'. Yes fuck you very much, I'll post what I want, when I want. I literally told them all "Yeah, block buttons work for you too. Go for it." I am so past caring if I insult anyone. I used to be really careful because I had religious people on there from my parents church and I was so worried about someone seeing something and getting offended, but I'm really really over that. Ugh, some people just piss me off.

I'm starting to read Dan Brown's new book 'Inferno' tonight. Literally, I'm two pages in and it's sitting open on my lap right now. When I began to read adult books, meaning not books found in the YA section, the first ones I read were Dan Brown's books. Damn can he write.

I'm going to bed, I have to get up in like five hours. Ok