We live in a society that teaches women that they are not naturally pretty.

And we have normalized this kind of ideology. Case in point, I'm tutoring a student this summer, meeting with her twice a week. She skipped once, so we set her up with a make up appointment with one of the other tutors. Next time the student and I met, she goes on and on and on about how she didn't know that she had previously met the other tutor once because "oh my god, when she actually cares enough to put on makeup she looks so different.".

I just hated hearing that. First of all, girl, you come here everyday wearing outfits that look like pajamas, you don't get to critique other people. Second of all, whether or not people wear makeup says nothing about how much they care. Frankly, there are some days that I couldn't give two fucks about how I look, but I'll still have a facefull of makeup. Why? Mainly because I like doing makeup, also because fuck you. Another point, I just hated the student's tone. The way she spoke implied that the tutor didn't look good without makeup. That's another fuck you, because she's goddamn beautiful and it's taken her years to be comfortable enough to leave her house without makeup and I'll be damned if I let you say anything to her about it

This is what happens when you let a Harry Potter nerd into the workplace.

So, last Saturday, I was sitting in the break room at work, reading that book I had about fantasy cinema music. Speaking of which, it's a fascinating book and I'd love to buy a copy so that I could mark it up an annotate it, I might have to look into that at some point. Anyway, I was reading through that at Jacob, one of the guys I work with, was sitting on the other couch, so we got to talking and he asked why I was reading it. So I started telling him what I was working on over the summer and he asked why I was so interested in Harry Potter.

Long story short, it lead to me defending my hatred of Snape again Jacob and some other guy telling me that he had a reason for his behavior. I've already ranted about Snape multiple times so I won't bore you with that, but by the end of the conversation, they both said that they would never again try to debate about the Potterverse with me.

I would just like to point out that I have never had a debate about Harry Potter that didn't end in the other party conceding that I was more knowledgeable in the subject. I mean, it's useless knowledge but I'm still lowkey proud of it.

Ch-ch-ch-changes! (Like, the Bowie song..get it?!)

Big things are happening. Kenny and I are probably going to be getting a place in the next month or so. A friend of his dad’s contacted him and said that his daughter was looking to sell her trailer and he wanted to know if Kenny was interested. He and I talked about it and he told me that he had been in it before and it was really nice and he wanted us to go look at it. Of course, I agreed. I mean, a trailer wasn’t what I pictured as our first place, but it’s nice. Big enough for the two of us, definitely. And she’s wanting to sell it, so Kenny and I would actually own it, which, truth be told, scares the shit out of me.

I love Kenny, utterly. And I want to have a life with him, but it’s terrifying. I’m twenty, I still feel like a child sometimes. I might be going from never having lived anywhere other than my parent’s house to owning my own place and that’s fucking crazy. But, at the same time, it’s really exciting. This has the potential to be a whole new chapter in my life. If I were a cliché sentimentalist (which I am) I would probably say that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. And I’m ready for it.

One of the things that makes me most nervous is the fact that this has the potential to drastically change my relationship with Kenny. What if I have a habit that annoys him so much that he starts avoiding me? What if he starts to get annoyed with me stealing the covers every night? I know this could be a great thing and it could strengthen our relationship and bring us even closer as a couple, but I know that there’s also a lot that could go wrong. I’ve heard from so many people that the romance goes out of a relationship as soon as people start sharing a living space, and I’m petrified that that is going to happen. I love how romantic Kenny’s always been toward me, but what if that slowly just…stops?

I know that I probably don’t have anything to worry about at this point, but I’ve seen what kind of environment a house can have when two people stop putting effort into their relationship and I’m scared of that happening.