I'm taking a big step in my life tonight.

Meaning I'm dyeing tonight. I've already went and got it trimmed and when I get home in a bit, it's going Black Brown. I was thinking about going full black, but this seemed like a safer option. To be totally honest, I'm nervous. What if it doesn't work? What if I hate it? How's it going to look when it starts to grow out? Oh god, am I making a mistake? No matter, I'm doing it. After all, you only regret the mistakes you make. How will I know if I don't like if I don't try? I'm excited. I'll try to post some pictures here in a bit. When I write next, I'll have a different hair color!

I fucking swear to god.

In the words of Outkast: Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright. And here's what I'm talking about: my damn internet. It sucks it really hard. So my mom got home from work this morning and instead of calling the service provider because of the issues we'd been having for a few weeks now, she went to sleep because she was, and I quote, "Too tired to put up with them for twenty minutes." Fine, well, that's all well and good but how the hell am I supposed to get schoolwork done if I have no internet? It literally makes zero sense. It's a HOMESCHOOL PROGRAM, so the fact that I'm constantly having to go elsewhere lately almost everyday just kind of pisses me off. I know it's a minor thing, but it feels like a big deal to me because she's been saying she's going to call for a few days now and she hasn't yet. My parents are one of the huge reasons I have trust issues. They never come through on anything they say and it makes me sure that everyone is going to fail me so I never trust anyone with anything big.

I kind of hate myself sometimes. All the times. I don't know. I was having an alright night at work and I have no idea what happened but I just started crying and I couldn't stop. I was actually in the corner like crying and I was trying to stop but I couldn't and I don't know why. It sucks, and that's why I hate myself.

More about senior pictures and graduating in general.

So, I finally got my senior pictures. I looked through them with my sister then I went upstairs and cried for fifteen minutes. I hate them. I'm so ugly and fat and my necklace is twisted backwards and my makeup is messed up. in most pictures. It awful and terrible and I hate it. And now I'm going to have to pick some because mom is insisting we print some up for my graduation party.

Speaking of graduating, I have a senior meeting tomorrow. I need to think of a song and motto and I need a baby picture and I need to have a short speech prepared. Guess how much of that I have done? Yeah, none. Eh, I'll do it after work tonight. Who needs sleep, right? Seriously, though, it will take me maybe an hour and that's if I dawdle, so I'll just do it tonight.

So yeah. Did I mention that I learned to fair isle knit? It's the knitting that has two or more colors used in one row and there's frequent color changes.

Like this. I'm nowhere near this skill level, but I've got the basics down, and I can only improve from there. It's interesting and I can't wait to try something. I think soon, I'm going to start a sweater or something big. I need to finish a few other projects though. I can start a ton but I suck at finishing them. Woe is me and my knitting projects.

Just a quick thought on Brendon Urie.

if you don't know, he's the lead singer of Panic! at the Disco, possibly my favorite band of all time. I think his birthday is in a day or two, or it's today. I can't remember. Maybe it was yesterday? Ugh, anyway. If you listen to Panic!'s albums, hopefully you appreciate Brendon for his incredible vocals. The best part?He sounds just as good live, which isn't something you can say for all artists. Like, Taylor Swift sounds much weaker in live shows, which is a huge letdown. But, yeah, I jest felt like that needed saying.

I got shot in the eye!

I did, though. Had to go the retina specialist again. They said I've improved even more, so that's good I suppose. He did tell me that he's not sure how much more improvement they'll see. I go back in five weeks and they said that if I'm doing alright then, then I'll probably not see them again for maybe two months. So I guess that's looking up.

Ok, this is hilarious. I have this class that's supposed to help us prepare for college and a career. Anyway, I have a lesson that was due last week. The name of it? Procrastination. That is comedy gold, people!

General Update. I don't know, I just felt like writing.

Ok, so the other day this guy that goes to my parents church updated his facebook and said something about how annoying and shallow and what a "Cliche-riddled pop song" Let It Go was and how much he hated it. You have to understand something, he's this guy that's smart and a perfect Christian and everyone at this church loves him so much, so everyone was like 'Yeah, Daniel, you're totally right, it's an awful song ugh.' Plus, he hadn't even seen actual movie, so who the hell is he to judge?! And, I don't know, I got really pissed. I wrote this really long thing about how you need to see the movie and understand the context and about Elsa becoming free and it's an important song because it teaches girls to love themselves. I have a lot of Frozen feels, ok. Anyway, then later some girl from the church was like 'Ok, I get what Ashley is saying, but the song supports rebellion." And I'm just sitting at my computer thinking, "No you cunt, it's liberation, not rebellion. There's a difference between being confident and loving yourself and being an asshole and expecting people to be ok with that." I was pissed. So, there's that.

Other news, uh well, let's see. I got senior pictures done: Here's one:

It was nice, the girl who did it was the same one who did my sister's. She so sweet, but I hated all of them. I hope there's at least one good one. I did though, I cried on the way home from the stress and everything. I don't know. I don't know much these days.

I watched Speed the other day. I love Keanu Reeves so much, I mean, come on, he's attractive and a good actor and his voice is like rough silk. That's how I describe it, don't hate. it was good. Sooooooo 90s, but I enjoyed it. I did laugh at the costumes though.

Anyway, I think that's it.