Christmas

Well, another Christmas has come and gone and we survived. Well, I did more than just survive, I got engaged. Yeah, Kenny gave me a ring and it's Facebook official and everything, so I am an engaged woman. It's probably been my best Christmas ever, and I utterly despise Christmas.

I know every group of friends has that one "Scrooge" who is always bah-humgubing around at this time of year, and I have happily taken the title of Scrooge among my friends. I wasn't always like this; I used to really love Christmas, One year, when I was about 15, my older sister woke me up at 7 and asked if I wanted to go Black Friday shopping with her. I said no because, tbh, Black Friday crowds give me anxiety. But I did get up, drag all the Christmas decorations out of the attic, and spent the day putting up the tree and listening to music. So that's how I used to be when it came to the holiday.

I'm not entirely sure when or why I went from being an elf to being the embodiment of Burgermiester Miesterburger. ...That's a character from one of the old Christmas claymation movies, so... Anyway, I probably started disliking Christmas a few years after I started working in retail, so probably when I was about 18-19. Part of it was because I had to hear the same music over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and...well, you get the idea. Even if I did like Christmas itself, I will forever despise Christmas music. The only time I like hearing Mariah Carey is when it's being used as a joke. So there's the Christmas music and there's also the fact that I had to work every holiday while people came in and shopped. Since I first got a job, I have worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Christmas Eve. Do you know how many times people had said that they're sorry that I had to work on Thanksgiving, and I told them that if they weren't in here shopping, I wouldn't be in here working? Because that's happened more than you think it would, and that's because people are so, so, so, so, so stupid. I also hate the attitude that people have during Christmas. It's supposed to be a time of year when everyone slows down and everyone should be really nice to strangers because of the time of year it is, but no, that's too much to ask of people today. Just this year, I got cussed out by a guy because he needed an order made for him and I told him we couldn't do it because we needed a 24 hour notice, not 2 hours. So yeah, people just get really pissy this time of year and I can't stand it. That's probably the biggest reason I dislike Christmas, people are just always so angry. Like, get in the Christmas spirit and get the hell out of my face.

But this Christmas was surprisingly nice. I spent time with my family and my boyfriend and I got to watch the Doctor Who Christmas special, which was totally amazing by the way. Kenny and I have discussed what we want to do for Christmas next year. If I'm totally honest, I don't really want to "do" Christmas at all next year. I mean, the only Christmas movie I'll even watch at this point is Die Hard. That's totally a Christmas movie, by the way, fight me. So I'm not sure what Christmas next year will look like, but if I have my way, it's probably won't look like Christmas at all.

Early Morning

I got up at 6am the other morning. Or rather, I woke up at 6 and finally got out of bed at 7. It was amazing. Ken was still sleeping, so I did some housework, made coffee, did some knitting, started a new blog, and worked on my Harry Potter research project. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Kenny, but he's not a morning person and I love mornings, so I like having a few hours where it's just me, it's really peaceful.

Yeah, new blog. I want a platform where I can start writing more formally. Eventually, I'd like to be a freelance writer, so I started this blog to post about my writing, as well as tips for writers and students. Hopefully it will get some attention and I can use it to showcase my writing abilities.

In other news, I'm on winter break right now, so I'm trying to get myself into a routine so that I have easier mornings next semester. Last semester, I had a really hard time getting up in the mornings because I never got into a schedule, so I'm trying to get my body clock in a schedule now so that the next semester starts more smoothly. I'm actually really excited for next semester, I'm taking some really interesting classes. I'm also going to have an internship with the school's literary journal, which is going to be amazing. Between classes, homework, interning, work, and tutoring, I will have a really heavy schedule, but I feel like I'll be able to handle it. Or I'll just have a breakdown every week and deal with it. Probably the second option, tbh.

I'm also trying to get some things done over break. I've cleaned my car and my desk, but I'm hoping to get a few of my knitting projects done, and I want to get a good chunk of my Potter research complete. Last semester was so crazy and I actually wasn't able to work on it at all, so I'm also trying to work that into my schedule and do a little bit of it each week.

So that's really all that's new with me right now, so I'm going to write on my other blog.

I'm so tired.

Of everything. I'm tired of being angry at people. I'm tired of this country. I'm tired of having to try to explain to people why they should try to be decent human beings. I'm tired of politics. I'm tired of being stressed. I'm tired of my job. I'm tired of school. I'm tired of my body. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of my future being so uncertain. I'm tired. I'm so so so tired. And I don't know what to do.