Well, it's all over now.

My celebratory period of my graduation is over. My party was yesterday so now it's just thank you cards, orientation, and then college.

I am so happy with how my party went. Honestly, I got about $800. I'm hoping to be able to buy a really nice Dell laptop for school, so that's where that money is going. I had a lot more people than I thought I would. A good number of people from my mother's church and a ton of my dad's family. It was lovely. I did get stressed because I was having to constantly go around and say hi and shake hands and smile and talk to people. By the end of the night, I just sat in my car sobbing. I don't know why, I was sad and happy and stressed and scared and depressed.  Thankfully, though, I had friends from work who came, so mostly I hung with them. See, even if people are really nice and friendly, I can't help but think that they're staring at me and judging me, so it was so relieving to be able to sit with friends from work. I have never had a group of people I feel so comfortable and safe around and it feels incredible to know that I can say almost anything and these people won't judge me. I really appreciate my work friends. So it was Me, Jenna, Katie, Rachel, Andrew, Cori, and Shelia most of the afternoon. Rachel's leaving for Columbus on Thursday though, so I'll have to get her goodbye card and also her thank you card to her before she leaves. I am really going to miss her, and I swear to god if Penneys hires more lazy, stupid high school kids, I am going to fucking scream. So yeah.

So, I got the nicest cotton yarn a few days ago, and then I found a pattern for a hand-knit washcloth made out of, yeah, worsted weight cotton yarn, so guess what I cast on this morning? Very excited, the picture is gorgeous and the pattern is so easy I could probably do it in my sleep.

I think that's about it. So, I'm off to write thank you cards and look at new laptops. Cheerio!

On To bigger and Better Things.

In the time since I've last written, I have...graduated. Yeah, that's about all. Honestly, everyone makes graduation out to be a huge deal, but I don't see it. Like, whoopie you have completed the easiest part of your life, go get 'em.

I do apologize for not writing for so long. Ever since mom discovered my blog, I've kind of drifted away. I guess I don't feel safe anymore. This was my haven, my place where I could say absolutely anything, and now that fragile shell has be broken and I never know if she's reading this or not and that scares the hell out of me. Well, that, and I've proven time and time again that I am really good at starting things and really shitty at finishing them.

But, I digress. So, work. See, I don't get Penney's. We have people who are literally working nine hours a week because of 'payroll cuts' and shit, and they just hired six new people! Like, give hours to the people who are good workers and who need them, first, please and thank you. But, my hours have been ok. We've gotten like two new people in as many weeks. What sucks is some of my favorite people are leaving me. Rachel's heading down to Columbus for school, Ashley's going to Miami University in the fall, and Danielle just kind of stopped showing up. No one really knows what's going on, so asking around has been totally useless. But, I've had the last two days off, so when I go in this evening, there should be a whole slew of news/gossip for me to hear. I'm really a terrible gossip,it's horrible.

And knitting, yes. Did I ever talk about the placemats? I don't know. Well, back when I first started to knit, I decided to make my mom placemats for her Christmas present. I'm almost done with the last one. See, I really underestimated how long it would take me to make six of these, so I only had three done by Christmas, with the promise that the rest of them would be done by February at the latest. But, to someone who wants to keep learning new stitches and new techniques and stuff, they were so boring. So I worked on baby socks and hair bows and a lot of other things while occasionally doing the placemats. But I have one more section on my last one, then I'm finally done. I can't wait to never ever ever ever ever have to make those again. Easy, but very boring. My next project is a sweater for me. I'm super excited. It's a ballet sweater, one of those that ties right under your boobs. Here's the thing though: the yarn they wanted me to use, I looked around online for and hour and couldn't find it and when I did, it was like $38 a ball and I needed like four, so no thanks. So I went internet hunting and found some much cheaper, much prettier, yarn. It's going to be black, charcoal gray, and a really deep primrose. I'm super excited. I have the rest of the yarn and a ball winder that should hopefully be arriving from Amazon today, so I'm going to finish that placemat in the next day or two (knock on wood) then it's onto the sweater! I am really so excited about this. I will wear it everyday.

Well, the Alternative Press Music Awards are a month away and I haven't even asked anyone to go with me. I literally don't even care if I find someone or not, I am going to this and not even mom will stop me. She told me that if I go 'against her wishes' and go by myself that there will be consequences, but what she doesn't consider is that I understand that perfectly, but I think the risk is totally worth it. Plus, AP has special commemorative issue magazines, four of them, Andy Biersack, Oli Skyes, Patrick Stump, and Brendon Urie, so yeah, I'm gonna buy those and hopefully a signed Brendon Urie poster.

My grad party is soon. The 29th, I think. How much planning and preparing do you think I've done. Yup, none. Well, that's not entirely true. I've started looking though pictures on my computer to figure out which ones I want. I did not realize how many selfies I took. A fuckton, man! Anyway, we're slowly getting that going.

Dad is still going to Texas. he leaves Sunday. He wants us all to fly out to see him sometime in August. It is hell on earth, let me tell you. First of all, this company has changed his departure date like twenty times, so I don't want to ask for the dates off of work yet because they'll probably change. And mom is mad because she doesn't want to go. She's scared of flying and she think Alan will be a hassle. I mean, maybe she can grow the fuck up and just deal? I don't know. And the other night mom and dad sat us all down for a meeting in which they said that we'd have to help around the house and listen to mom while dad's gone. I have two problem with this. One: They kept going to about how we would have to really step it up with cooking, cleaning, and watching Alan. They made it seem like dad actually did some of that, which he in no way ever did. In my eighteen years of life, I never remember him once helping us clean the house. Then they tell us that we'll need to help out even more since he'll be gone. Yeah, go fuck yourselves. And two: mom has a damn martyr complex. She gave us a whole speech about how we can't walk all over her while he's gone and we'll have to respect her and on and on and on. Listen, I know it makes me seem like a terrible and ungrateful teenager, and maybe I am, but I respect my parents enough and probably more than they deserve. See, I don't care who you are, parent, teacher, boss, whatever. I will give you basic respect because that's what I've been raised to do. If you want anything more than that, fucking earn it. Mom told me once that it was my job to respect her weather she deserved it or not, because she was my mother. I don't agree with that. She's not immune to criticism and disrespect just because she gave birth to me. I should be allowed to speak my mind to her, but I rarely do because if you upset her, she gets so pissy and won't speak and everyone just get all hot and bothered.

But yeah, I think I'm done. Probably, no one read all the way to the end, but thanks if you did. I realize that no one reads this blog anyway, but it's nice to be able to scream into a chasm, even if that chasm is only cyberspace.

A Day of Lasts, and Maybe of Firsts.

So, today is my last day of high school. I actually finished last Friday, but I had to log on today for attendance and such. It feels bittersweet and weird. It's the last day of my high school career, but it's also the first day of never being called a high school student again. It's the last time I'll sit at this little computer and do school, but it's also the first time I can start being seen as something beyond my grade level.

Basically, I'm terrified. I want to grow up and go to college, but I'm stupid and ugly and what if I flunk out? What if I never make any friends? These are real fears. But, I'm ready. I don't actually graduate until Friday, so I'll have a few days to adjust to this whole 'no more high school' thing.

Ok, other news. Yeah, my graduation is Friday, yay! Uh, so I found this knitting pattern for baby socks and I've made three pairs. Well, almost. My friend at work is having a baby, so I was making a pair for her, then my sister asked if I could make her friend at work a pair because she was having a baby as well. And I'm making a pair for my friend in Arkansas because her son is turning one soon. I'm also going to make her some hair bow things, because they look cute and easy and I want to send her something for herself. So there's that.

I got myself a ticket for The Alternative Press first Annual Music Awards. My mom wants someone to go with me and I agree, I would love to go with a friend, but I don't really have any close friends who will go and tickets are gonna sell out soon and some of the most important bands in my life are gonna be there and I would rather bang my head against a wall for an hour than miss this show. So I may just go alone, but mom is angry and I can understand. I wanna go with a friend so I'm not that weird person at this awesome party alone, but I'd rather go alone than not go at all. I mean, Brendon Urie and Fall Out Boy and Andy Biersack and Asking Alexandria is going to be there and oh my god. So there's that, too

I think that's it. I'm going to wipe everything off my computer and take it back into the school in a bit, and I have to work this afternoon. And graduation this Friday, party next month, and I should probably apply for college soon.